Scared of Work

It's been almost 8 weeks since I had surgery (a middle fossa craniotomy) for Superior Canal Dehiscense Syndrome. Unfortunately, the surgery didn't resolve my most devastating symptom - noise makes me sick and dizzy. In fact, the surgery worsened this symptom.

My first challenge in returning to work will be getting there. My car, a 10-year-old Jeep, rumbles. It's not so bad that most people would notice, but it's horrible for me. My husband's car is easier to ride in, but I don't like driving it. It's a big boat of a car. Besides, I doubt he'd be willing to trade cars with me.

The next challenge in returning to work will be the noise that is there -- computer noises are particularly troubling. I had to turn off my home PC -- totally intolerable. I ended up buying a new laptop. My old PC hasn't been turned on since. Someday I'll need to turn it on, uninstall software, and get rid of the personal files on it. Then I'll probably give it away. I won't be able to use it again. Before I do that, though, I have to make sure this new Windows 7 laptop will connect to my Pfaff embroidery machine.

Before my surgery, working all day was very challenging. One of the symptoms of Superior Canal Dehiscence Syndrome is "brain fog." The brain is so busy trying to sort out what's happening in the inner ear that it doesn't leave much room for anything else. Sometimes I felt like a complete idiot. For example, my boss asked me to edit a document I'd written. It was a complicated technical document, but I had no memory of writing it. If I hadn't found it my outgoing email box, I would have sworn I didn't write it.

My ear feels completely plugged up. The more I'm exposed to noise, the worse it gets. It sounds like an echo chamber in there.

I see the doctor again on June 21, and I expect him to release me to return to work. I want to get back to work. I'm tired of sitting around here feeling sorry for myself. But I'm really worried about how work will affect me. I will have to take each day as it comes.